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Reading this book makes me want to be sick.
I’ve heard all of these things before and never ever thought they were true.
I weighed 89lbs and this girl in this book is skinnier than that. I can’t imagine ever going back.I want to gain weight and look normal and pretty.
The things you realize when it’s a little too late for a quick fix.
I couldn’t gain enough weight if I tried.
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And what hurt the most was EVERYONE KNEW HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOOKED UP TO YOU. EVERYONE. FUCKKKK. YOU LET ME DOWN. YOU FUCKING DESTROYED ME WITH THIS.
Horray for crying in panera.
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I’ve cried so much over the same thing.
I spent 2 hours in the shower last night crying so hard I thought I was going to throw up. I blew my nose so much my right nostril is swollen along with my eyes that I had to cover with a ridiculous amount of make up. I have no faith in humanity. I fucking hate everything and everyone. I just want to be alone. I hate processing things like this. This has been so painful. Having to look your lost super hero in the eyes and tell him he hurt you and sobbing. I feel like I’ve lost my childhood. I wasn’t ready. I just wasn’t ready. -
*sobs.
Ouch. -
I’m frustrated because I feel like I’m going to lose it.
What I really have tried hard to keep.
I love you, I need you.
I’m going to be alone in life.
I know this, you know this.
I can’t hold onto anything.
It’s in my bones.
I’m not perfect, Don’t you dare say I am..ever ever again.
I know I’ve already lost you.
It’s only a matter of time now.
I wish I could change this.
But I can’t…I can’t and I won’t.
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I never ever thought this day would come.
I am no longer interested in having sex.
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76 months ago I weighed 130 lbs at 5’2”.
75 months ago I looked into the mirror and began to hate my body.
70 months ago I weighed 110 lbs at 5’2”.
65 months ago I weighed 95 lbs at 5’2”.
55 months ago I weighed 89 lbs at 5’3”.
54 months ago I was hospitalized and given an ultimatum.
53 months ago I made the decision to face the monster inside of me.
52 months ago I chose to go through the pain and get healthy again.
21 months ago I made the decision to stop throwing up to lose weight.
15 months ago I made the decision to stop doing drugs.
Today I weigh 103 lbs at 5’3” and I still hate eating, but I continue to do it to try to become healthy again. My goal is to gain 5 lbs in the next 2 months, and 10 months in the next year. My life is no easier than it was 52 months ago when I promised my mother I would begin to get healthy, but I can say I am 500x happier than I was. My life is no longer about a number, but about living.
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What’s on every Liverpool fan’s mind…
(via frrrunkis)
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Love me with everything you’ve got because Lord knows I need it.
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I want nothing more than to take beautiful, sexy photos and have someone who matters tell me I have sex appeal. Looking 13 years old has its flaws.
Oh well, I can do cute well I suppose.Lammmmmeee.
